Hey All

It's August and fall is creeping up behind us here in the northern regions of Michigan and Ontario. The greens in my yard and fields are turning to browns. The summer daisy is bowing out and giving way to my favorite fall flowers, the Blackeyed Susan and the Goldenrod. The cooler nights are making very foggy mornings. Oh, we have another month before the calendar says this is so. But the weather tells a different story. Even our local fair has come and gone. See my comments about this personal disappointment on either one of blogs at Portage at PortageCoach or Portage at Blogspot

My intention, if anything, of this newsletter is just to present the musings of a wandering woman. Take what works for you. Discard what does not. 

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Disorderly Conduct

I made it. I finally got north for two full weeks of fishing. After months of being a caretaker, taking time away from Mom was difficult. It seems I fell into a bit of a trap, being drawn to create order in the midst of the seeming chaos of my mother's illness. So I cleaned, sorted, mowed, planted, folded, dusted, rearranged, tossed, and organized. The list is long. But even in the middle of my orderly behavior, I recognized my actions were not really about creating order.  They were more about trying to be in control.

Just like the ease with which summer gives way to fall, when I take a minute to breathe and observe, I can see that order is already inherent in any chaos. There is nothing for me to do. If I'm willing to relinquish control, I can always see the present order within the mess before me. That order is, at its heart, natural and expansive. The control I was seeking is contrived and limiting.

So, thanks to a complicated (dare I say “chaotic”) system that involved train conductors, a shortwave radio, a fly-in fishing camp to our south, and a bush plane pilot, I was finally able to get away and muck about in chaos, knowing the order was there when I needed it. Some days I caught too many fish, some days I didn't fish at all. Some days I slept in and stayed up late, other days I was up before the sun and in bed before the stars. Some days I ate every hour, on the hour. Other days I ate only one meal. Some days I had milk and cookies for a bedtime snack, other days it was good bourbon and a cigarette. I can't say I felt more in control after all my disorderly conduct. But I can say that I have a better, more trusting, relationship with chaos. And that gives me peace.

“Chaos in the world brings uneasiness, but it also allows the opportunity for creativity and growth.” ~~Tom Barrett

“Chaos is a friend of mine.” ~~Bob Dylan 

“Chaos is the score upon which reality is written.” ~~Henry Miller 

“Chaos is a name for any order that produces confusion in our minds.” ~~ George Santayana
 

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Peace and much love
Deb
 

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